Life, horses, everyday, myself
You know I was just thinking... I always feel whereever I go I'm standing out... I don't belong anywhere and I don't know why that is so... I just want to be everywhere a "grey mouse" just not to stand out and still. I mean not like I'm so pretty or my clothes, but I never feel comfortable... hard to find friends. I found some at the college but they still not "real" friends. We just have common problems and it's better to solve them together, but I'm sure after a few years they'll not even recognise me on the street...
Here is this thing with the pension and horse farm too. I have a friend who told me this is a great idea, but I don't trust in our friendship so much to start a serious bussiness with her.
Another weird thing about me is that I like to be alone, like to be on my own. Just planning the future, dreaming, and I think it fits in here too, that I love to be around animal alone. When I go out to the barn and visit my favourite stallion I feel so good, relaxed and I have fun. I can talk to him like to human and sometimes I just clean him and watch him in the stable and he looks me in the eye and have tho look on his face as he would understand all of my problems... That's a great feeling. Wish I could find someone (human) to tell all of these about me, but I'm afraid I don't trust people enough. And that makes me sad sometimes. My mom is something like best friend for me, I can talk to her about everything, but there are things she would not understand, she could not understand.
There's no chance to meet any cute guy, cause I don't like parties either (what a surprise!!?) This quotation is my favourite at the moment: "Life sucks, and than you'll die!"
That's all for now.. See you another time... hopefully in a better shape